Affect

Affect regulation is all the rage in psychotherapy. Entire theories have been born out of the necessity to attune to another person’s affective state. However, what is affect? Is it a nonconscious process, a physiological response, a primitive social communication system? The jury remains out in this regard. Affect can still be seen as a way to know another person. The crook of a smile or the gaze of an eye often provides a better picture of another person’s state than that person’s own words. Throughout the ages we have created idioms based around affect – the fiery eyes, downcast, etc. There is something central to our basic understanding of communication that affect is able to communicate. However, many people continue to begin conversations with “the right words.” I find it difficult to speak to a friend who is in pain because I just don’t know what to say. Words seem like they unlock the door, but their absence reminds us of that they may not be the only door. This exaltation of words over affect continues to manifest in the digit age. People will “text” or “message” their friends throughout the day as they walk down the street with their head down away from the world around them. I sometimes wonder if this is a defensive move on their parts. It’s hard to become affected by other’s affect when you never have to leave your own world.